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Happy Monday friends!
I used to do these types of blog post once a week, or maybe once every other week. I just sit here and spill what's on my mind, while I enjoy some coffee.
If you live in Atascosa County you have got to try Pleasant Perk Coffee House they seriously have the best white chocolate mocha! Anyway, that's what I'm sipping on today.
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If you've been following me for any amount of time you may know that my husband was shot in the line of duty April 2021. Prior to that we had been living in Madisonville since 2017. When we first moved there, I was not about it lol I felt that for the longest time I was so so alone. Take in mind, I wasn't putting myself out there either. But eventually made the best of friends!
A couple of years passed, and I eventually put myself out there and met some fellow trooper wives as well. My husband on the other hand, he is a HUGE people person! If you've met him than you know I am 100% telling the truth. He makes friends with anyone and everyone.
The plan at the time was to eventually move back to San Antonio whenever the opportunity arose. And I was all for it, at the time. We would be closer to my husband's side of the family, so it just made more sense to move back.
April 2021 came along, and the unimaginable happened. I won't go into details because, well I'm still working on the "healing" process of it. I literally cannot put into words what I witnessed. Since the moment the news came out, our community showered us with SO MUCH love and support.
I still think about it and it seriously just gives me goosebumps. They were all so selfless and ready to help in any way they could. I am so grateful for all they did and continue to do.
I knew (or at least thought) in those moments that Madisonville was home. I knew that God led us to this small town because he knew we needed to be there. Y'all I just KNEW that he was showing us that this is it, that this is where we would start planting some roots. I felt it in my heart.
Fast forward several months, and the opportunity to move to San Antonio came up. We were so distraught y'all, heartbroken, sad and felt so lost. We cried over the thought of leaving. We cried over the thought of leaving our friends, this community who gave so much to us.
For the longest time I was, "mad" at God, I questioned him every day. I felt betrayed. In my mind I just kept saying, "I made friends here God, I made family, I can't leave". "God why, why would all this happen, why did San Antonio come up now". I truly couldn't imagine leaving Madisonville, it was HOME. I had finally felt like I found a home away from home.
We prayed so dang hard over the decision. I think deep down we knew what we had to do for our future, for Julians future. But we just kept telling ourselves that this was home.
The more I look back the more I realize that we wanted to hold on tight to our security blanket (Madisonville). Because in a way it's what saved us through the moments, we didn't think we could get through alone.
It was hard to let go but we made the decision to move. There are days where I feel like I look around at our "new" home and I just want to pull the security blanket over me and just never let it go. I want to run back to Madisonville because this just doesn't feel like home. But then I am reminded, well God reminds me, that yet again, he has us where he needs us to be.
I will always remember what one of my good friends said to me when I told her we were moving. She said "I know you don't want to move, and we don't want you to, but maybe God brought you guys here bc he knew what was coming, he knew that you guys would need support and so much love and this is the place".
And that continues so get me through.
So if you're stuck in a situation like ours, and you don't want to let go of your security blanket, remember that God has you where you need to be. I know sometimes it's HARD but you truly have to trust him, you have to trust that he will guide and provide. You have to know that life is hard but he will always, always bring in people to help you through. It's okay to let go of your security blanket, sometimes you need to put it in storage and bring it out on the days that you need a little reminder of what God has pulled you through.
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